Jinx Reviews: 50 Shades of Grey

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*This review contains spoilers.

My girl and I ended up going to see it today. I’ve read the book a year a ago, so I was low key excited to go see this movie. Let me break it down to you.

Let’s get straight to the point. 50 Shades of Grey is pure erotica. There’s not a lot of character development. The “sex” scenes are exactly what you think it would be like for an R rated movie. A boob here, ass there, and a quick flash of pubic hair. Kiss, grunt noise, cue Beyonce music, heavy panting, Beyonce music gets louder, add a little filler, and there you have it! The recipe to 50 Shades of Grey scene.

One of the better things about this movie is the casting. Honestly, I don’t think they could have done a better job. With that being said, the actors did great with the lines they were dealt. The book was never praised for it writing, and sadly that transitions into this movie. A lot of the times you will find yourself giggling at lame lines like when Christian told Anastasia she wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a week if she belong to him.

The plot? Oh! Cinemax (NC-17) late night adult videos have better story lines. Anastasia is an about to be college graduate that fills in for an interview for her friend. They would later build a friendship, and Mr. Grey will eventually introduce her to his dark siiiiide. Anyways, there’s a written contract she must sign if she wants to continue seeing and sexing Christian. He just want a submissive play partner for fulfillment of his sexual desires. Anastasia on the other hand falls in love with Christian, and always seems to find herself back to him trying to heal her emotional wounds. Christian wants to take control of Anastasia, but Anastasia wants to take care of Christian,  wanting something more, and she tries her hardest to get it from Christian. To the point where she would tolerate what kinda sex Christian wants. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely enjoys some of it. 

Final Verdict: I give 50 Shades of Grey the movie 6/10. There’s no Anastasia introduction to fellatio, they skip the breakfast that she shares with Christian at an International House of Pancakes, and where the hell is James’s personifications! This is huge! We already know that the book lacks in the writing department, so you can afford to over look these things. “The proof that pornography has no literary value is that, if one attempts to read it in any other way than as a sexual stimulus, to read it, say, as a psychological case-history of the author’s sexual fantasies, one is bored to tears.” -W.H. Auden. This quote is 50 Shades of Grey in a but shell. It’s one of the reason why this movie was marketed during valentine’s. To get you in the mood for sex. Some books can make the transition from book to movie, but 50 Shades of Grey is not built for that. Erotica in general is not built for the public big screen. Erotica main purpose is to get you arrosed. Story? Who cares! The movie just leaves so much desired when talking about character development, and Ana’s story.

For the record, I don’t hate 50 Shades of Grey.  I know it may seems like I’m just bashing the movie, but I truly love the books. Read them, let your imagination go wild, and maybe you’ll find something that you might want to try sexually. I really don’t get the hush factor when talking about sex. 50 Shades of Grey brings awareness on what society labeled taboo. If you’re interested in testing the waters there’s a lot of resources that can help make your experiences pleasurable, and safe.

Valentine’s Day: 50 Shades of Grey

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Last night I asked Jamie if she made up her mind if she wanted to see the 50 Shades of Grey movie for valentines before we set out for our ballroom dancing event. Her exact words were “ No! I wanna see it, but not in a room full of other horny women.” Anyways, I’m sure many will go and see the movie on the release date. Recently, critics released on what they thought about the movie.

Justin Craig from Fox News says “ Sure there’s plenty of nudity, but more salacious material is shown every day on cable. It’s not even close to late night Cinemax. You’ll find more disturbing images in Saw or Game of Thrones.”

Rafer Guzman from Newsday’s says “ You might be equally agog at how an R-rated film full of kinky sex and dirty talk could be so painfully dull. The actors are attractive, and we see just about every naked inch of them. Despite all the waist-down action, though, the movie has no pulse. What’s more, it’s dead from the neck up.”

Justin Chang from Variety says “Unfortunately, it’s a drama that can scarcely sustain one movie, let alone three. And as our heroine becomes ever more aware of just how dark Christian’s dark side is, Fifty Shades of Grey starts to lose it’s sense of humor and elicit the wrong kind of giggles-climaxing with a hilariously overblown S&M montage laden with so many slow-motion dissolves as the suggest that Ana wasn’t the only one wearing a blindfold during the assembly.”

My thoughts: I think this is important. Many people I talk to think it’s going to be really explicit because of the content of the book. I’ve read two books out of the trilogy, and for the most part I love it. At times the book dialog is poorly written and it can get repetitive at times. It’s something to let your mind run free as you’re reading. I anticipate 50 Shades of Grey is going to be very successful during it’s opening weekend . Marketing the movie on Valentines is really going to help this movie. After the opening weekend, I feel like it’s really going to die off. There are several books that make incredible movies, but I don’t think erotica will do well in this transition. Just going to have to wait and see, and when I do end up seeing it I wil give you guys my official thoughts.

JiNX on Robin Williams

Robin Williams was an extraordinary individual. A person who touch the lives of many with an impact that most of us can ever think of doing. When I heard that Robin Williams died by suicide my heart dropped. With dealing with depression in the pass and had experiences of close friends of mines that commit suicide the story hit home for me. They say those that smile the most hides the most pain. Pretty true. Definitely when you talk about comedians. Got to remember, most of these guys stories come from real life experiences. I’m just sad that a man that put smiles on everyone faces was battling addiction and depression to the point where he rationalize that it was worth taking his own life.

I’ve been there. It’s a scary place. Severe depression will have all your foods tasteless. I remember taking 200-300mg of sleeping aide just to sleep 1hr at night. All the activities you loved to do you don’t love them anymore. You try and go out and have fun, but the cause of the depression doesn’t leave because you choose to go out. You don’t care about your goals. Your heart literally beating out your chest constantly. It’s a mental battle 24/7. Now imagine that, but for a period of three months. Seriously, just for three months with no signs it getting better. Go ahead take the depression medication. Then you start to overthink that you can’t function without being dependable on meds on sleepless night. It’s literally hell on Earth. Thankfully, I have amazing people that constantly showed me love with phone calls, visits and I was able to pull me through that funk and that was enough for me after a couple of months. I can easily sleep a good eight to nine hours without interruption now. I don’t know what demons besides addiction that Mr. Williams was dealing with that wasn’t on the record, but after YEARS of battling that, I kind of get it. I’ve read suicide notes of my friends and it is easy for a person that never had severe depression to feel like they’re a quitter. I admit, I’m not the same person anymore. I changed for the better that experience matured me a lot as an individual. For Mr. Williams I can only wonder what was going through his beautiful mind. He wasn’t perfect, but no man is.

Gone, but not forgotten. Robin Williams leave behind a tremendous legacy. The memories of watching movies like Alladin, Jumanji and Mrs. Doubtfire with my friends and family will always be there. He was a man that supported the troops and even went in harm’s way to entertain them. Gone for long hours visit to patients to brighten up their day. Even as he battled depression and his demons he always put a smile on other people’s faces, even when he couldn’t smile himself. For that he has my upmost respect. RIP Robin Williams. You’re free now genie.

If any of you guys are fighting depression it can be beat. Don’t be ashamed. That’s the biggest thing. Don’t be ashamed. There’s tons of resources out there for you. Don’t be that person that your pride gets in the way and you refuse to come in terms with reality and then it snowballs then making the road to recovery is harder.  You matter and your very important.

“Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you.” ― Shannon L. Alder.

JiNX