Yeah…. You’re an abuser.. 

Terrifying someone into submission, you’re an abuser. 

Watching someone cry and telling at them to stop and invalidating their pain and reasons for crying, you’re an abuser. 

Staring at someone with disgust and contempt after they displease you, you’re an abuser. 

Threating someone to take their basic resource away if they don’t give you want you want, you’re a abuser. 

Forcing someone to feel ashamed for not loving up to your personal ideas, you’re a abuser. 

Using slurs,  hateful names,  and insults on someone without any regard to what it does to their mental health, you’re an abuser. 

Forcing someone to pursue unrealistic expectations and make them feel worthless when they don’t achieve it,  you’re an abuser. 

Acting as if someone is a waste of space and blaming them for your shortcomings, you’re an abuser. 

Makeing someone feel like they don’t deserve love, you’re an abuser. 

If you watch someone in pain and thought they deserved it, you’re an abuser. 

If someone can’t accept or love themselves from how badly you have treated them, you’re an abuser. 

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Jinx and Stephanie’s guide on being friends with your ex

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Ladies and gentlemen of the Sanctuary. What is up?! Jinx back with another one and I’m here with Stephanie. A lot of my emails are from you guys asking how to stay friends with an ex. I’m not a big subject matter expert on this as the only ex I talk to every other day or everyday is Caroline. Stephanie on the other hand is friends with every ex she’s dated, long and short term and currently back dating her ex for 3yrs now. After reading our tips, I hope it helps you. Remember, relationships is a your miles may vary subject.

How did it end: This is huge when thinking about keeping your ex as a friend. If it was mutual then it maybe easier to transition the friendship phase. On the other hand, if your ex cheated, abuse you physically/mentally or any extreme action do you really want to be friends with a person like that who has no respect for you? The hardest situation is when one person cuts off the relationship and the other is left hanging. Stephanie insists that even after the break up and you have a horrible falling out you can still savage a friendship and maybe a romantic relationship. Both the dumper and the dumpee both goes through emotional times after a break up. Definitely if it was a long term relationship.

Let he/she go. Completely: This is the hardest and probably the last thing you probably want to do, but we agreed that this is essential. Staying around after a breakup for both parties is toxic. Both of you need time to heal and get over each other. You may always have a special place in your heart for that individual, but let em go. If the friendship doesn’t happens down the road then that’s where you gotta keep them in your heart. Your still going to think about them maybe everyday, but be strong enough to walk away. Stephanie says, if you want a relationship with your ex sometimes you have to let the old relationship die before building a new one. During this time go out, flirt, casual date have casual but protected sex, meet new people. reunite with old friends, join a club, get in the best shape in your life, improve yourself, chase goals and other activities that you couldn’t do while you was in a relationship. Expand your life. If your ex starts dating leave them alone completely. Unfriend them from facebook and every social media and store away every memorabilia that reminds you out her/him. No waiting on your ex. Enjoy your new single status.

To contact or not to contact: You and your ex probably constantly kept in touch with each other. After the break up you will feel a void because the things that involved your partner is not there anymore. Stephanie and I both agreed that you should not stay in contact with the ex, but when the relationship ends let the other individual know that you need space. Also state that one day you hope that you can be friends and keep the line of communication open for only serious issues only and stand firm with this decision. Hopefully, if the ex says this to you they’re actually being sincere. If you happen to run into them somehow be civil. You don’t need to have a big convo with them. Say hi and go about your business.

Building a new relationship; Okay it been some time. Stephanie said at least wait six months before trying giving friendship another chance. Don’t be pushy, desperate or needy. Start with texts and work your way up. See them at a public place with other friends involved. Don’t be by yourselves for the first few times meeting up. This will be the the biggest challenge. If you don’t feel like you’re at a stage to handle that then wait off on contacting or vise versa. Communication is key. Be patient. Your ex might have a complete lifestyle change. Get to know and learn about them all over again. This will help greatly to rebuild trust and everything else that was damage during the break up. Don’t bring up anything from the past relationship. It’s a new friendship. Move forward, not backwards.

Rekindle a romantic relationship: For one reason or another your ex left you and maybe he/she is impressed by the new you. If you start dating again take it sloooooowww. Really get to know each other again after the time apart and maybe you guys will be a couple once again. Show through you actions that you changed.

We wanna end this by saying don’t put your life on hold for someone hoping that one day it will work out. You could be seriously ruining an opportunity on something greater than what you had. An upgrade might be closer than what you think, but you’ll never know if you throw a self pity party for yourself everyday.

JiNX