The Importance of Aftercare: Let’s Talk About Sub-Drop

I really haven’t blogged about anything sexually in the past, but I’m going to open up in this post and talk about the importance of after care for your sub. I have been active for about 5 years heavily in the fetish community, and I cringe everything I hear horror stories about oblivious Doms  Let’s talk about something called a SUBDROP.

Subdrop is usally the result of impact play. Impact play can include things like heavy spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, whipping, etx.. The application of pain release two key chemicals in the body. 

1) Adrenaline. Adrenaline is released at the onset of pain as part of the fight or flight response. It significally enchances the heart rate, dilates the pupils to allow more light in, makes you more sensative to touch.

In the moment, adrenaline can be hard to notice, it comes on so fast and so hard that you don’t always realize it. But when you come down from the adrenaline, it crashes on you. You feel cold because you blood has moved away from your extremities. You feel shaky because your mind is crashing, and you might even feel a little feint as your blood pressure which was moments ago sky-high, is now plummeting.

2) Endorphins: Endorphins are a really cool chemical that the body produces to make us feel good when maybe we shouldn’t. It helps makes pain. When you laugh for example, you body releases them to mask the pain that is caused by the spasming of your abdominal muscles. The rush can’t last forever unfortunately, and eventually laughing happily turns into laughing so hard that it hurts. That’s because the endorphins are wearing off and suddenly you can feel the discomfort (or pain) that your body was masking.

When pain is applied to a submissive by their dominant, the body releases massive doses of endorphins to counter-act the painful sensations, and the release of them can actually make the experience of pain, quite pleasurable. It’s been compared to morphine, and can make the submissive feel like they’re flying or having an out-of-body experience.

That’s SUBSPACE.

If you’ve ever had the privilege of seeing great sadists and masochists play together, you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about and how beautiful it can be. It’s also why a dominant must be very good at understanding where their submissive is at, and well attuned to their facial expressions and orientations. Dominants, even deeply sadistic ones, care about, love, protect, and cherish their submissives, and that care can be seen in the intensity of their attentiveness.


The drop (subdrop) of course comes afterwards. When the impact play stops, so does the bodies dump of chemicals. Suddenly the paddling that hurt at first, then became pleasurable – now REALLY hurts. And the feeling of flying that the submissive was experiencing is now a physical and emotional CRASH. The submissive is likely in a fair amount of pain, potentially disoriented, light headed or dizzy due to the lack of blood (and therefor oxygen to the brain as the body pooled it’s resources internally), and certainly emotionally drained due to any adrenaline that is still pulsing through their veins.

That’s why AFTERCARE is so critical.

You’ll see the submissive come down from the St. Andrews cross, off the spanking bench, or out of the stocks and be held and loved by their dominant in a nice quiet, safe space where they can be together, alone. Snuggles will be had, lotions will be applied, hair will be stroked, tears will be kissed away. Away from the noise, away from everything. Free to take what was an intense physical experience and manifest it as an intensely emotional experience.

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PhD Grind: I’m so Extra?? 

Random but important !!

Don’t ever let people make you feel bad for spending time on your notes/making your notes look more etc. Our even something you’re doing in your current endeavors. So many times I’ve had people say ‘that’s a waste of time’ or ‘you’re so extra’ and it just like….. Wtf. 

If spending an extra 2-5 minutes to make your notes look a little organize is going to help you learn them better, or even if it just makes studying tolerable then that’s okay??? Keep doing it!! 

There’s honestly no worse people than the people who will try and make you feel bad about doing something you want to do. 

Success Takes Sacrifices. 

you can’t live the life you have & the life you want at the same time. You have to choose one. You have to change your habits completely.

Decide who it is you want to be, life is going to demand something entirely different for each decision.

Alot of people want to be successful but aren’t willing to give up the good for the great. They don’t want to live average lives, but maintain average habits. They want to work 40 hours a week, but not 80 to live their dreams.

Chasing your dreams isn’t a part time hustle. It’s more like 2 full time jobs. Living a few years, how others won’t- to spend the rest of your life how others dream.

Don’t let people fool you with their words and intentions. Don’t guide yourself by the habits of those who aren’t where you want to be. The road to success is a lonely one. We all have different obstacles to over come, and you need as little distractions in your life as possible.

Yeah…. You’re an abuser.. 

Terrifying someone into submission, you’re an abuser. 

Watching someone cry and telling at them to stop and invalidating their pain and reasons for crying, you’re an abuser. 

Staring at someone with disgust and contempt after they displease you, you’re an abuser. 

Threating someone to take their basic resource away if they don’t give you want you want, you’re a abuser. 

Forcing someone to feel ashamed for not loving up to your personal ideas, you’re a abuser. 

Using slurs,  hateful names,  and insults on someone without any regard to what it does to their mental health, you’re an abuser. 

Forcing someone to pursue unrealistic expectations and make them feel worthless when they don’t achieve it,  you’re an abuser. 

Acting as if someone is a waste of space and blaming them for your shortcomings, you’re an abuser. 

Makeing someone feel like they don’t deserve love, you’re an abuser. 

If you watch someone in pain and thought they deserved it, you’re an abuser. 

If someone can’t accept or love themselves from how badly you have treated them, you’re an abuser. 

How I Fell Back In Love With Metalcore. 

At that strange stage in you’re life. The stage where you’re most likely in High School and worrying about what others may think of you or where you exactly fall in line in perspective as in social groups I’ve lost my way I guess you can say. As a young black teen living in Southern Louisiana, the majority of my ethnic group (around 98%) listened to rap, and that it. My other “close” friends was into country. You was kinda shunned away if you was into metalcore or Rock because you seem “unstable.” And the people that did dressed in all black, I guess you could call them emo or scene kids. Anyways. Me trying to fit in with the “normal” people cause me to steer away from a genre that I loved. I honestly love all genre of music, just as long as I can vibe with it. 

Fast forward the clock, I’m just out here living life. My friend Mendoza that was also in the Army at the time told me to listen to this group that was becoming big called Crown The Empire. He told me go and check out their EP Limitless. And before you know it, I’m downloading the rest of their albums, and checking in on other bands like Memphis May Fire, Bullet for my Valentines, and A Day to Remember. 

It’s funny. It’s funny looking back at things and just thinking. “God. I was such a idiot to deviate from something I liked just worrying about getting judge.” Worrying about something so petty could’ve steer me in the wrong path and I probably missed meeting some pretty cool fucking people. So let’s all take time and revisit stuff you’ve love and you also can fall back in love with it. 

P.S: I know Crown the Empire gets a lot of crap for being a shitty metalcore band, but they’ll still my favorite right now and had been for the past two years 🤘🏽🤘🏽🤘🏽

IMO: Being A Dependant Should Be Avoided! 

In my opinion, you should never be content on being a dependent. Before I begin, I know there’s families out there and their current income allow one if them to stay home with the kids. Definitely when they’re aren’t old enough to go school. Daycare fees are a bitch. 

I’m logging in this post to say if you’re capable of being self-sufficient, but choose not, then that’s the wrong answer. I look back at when I was the most “miserable” and it was when I was 18 living on my own. I wasn’t grandfathered into a business or had help from my family.

 My family would absolutely loved to, but they wasn’t in a position to help me out financially and I was a long way from home trying to start my adulthood in a new city, so I couldn’t really sit down and have that great person convo that me and parents had. Anyways, that’s besides the point. I just don’t want you all to think my parents aren’t supportive. They’re fucking awesome. 

Anyways, I realized that I can only live the way I did because of the people around me. My biggest thing was being financially dependent on them. It didn’t matter what roommates I had, I just hate that feeling. “What if Johnny don’t have his share of the rent?” – “Is Daniel going to spend all his money on pot?” – “Can I trust Snuffy on this important task or is he going to mess me over again?” But I think there’s my problem, trust. I just don’t want to rely on anyone to sustain my way of life. 

Battling With The Feeling Of Uncertainty. 

In my mid twenties, you would think I would be use to this feeling of uncertainty. I’ve came a long way, accomplished many tasks, so in my mind I’m thinking I should have the confidence to meet certain deadlines of basic things that are “underneath” of what I did previously. I don’t know. I guess it’s a good thing because it keeps me sharp. It gets me to not get sloppy with my work or whatever I’m trying to accomplish. As they say, pressure can create dust or diamonds. I’m just trying not to break with everything going on right now.