Jinx Reviews: 50 Shades of Grey

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*This review contains spoilers.

My girl and I ended up going to see it today. I’ve read the book a year a ago, so I was low key excited to go see this movie. Let me break it down to you.

Let’s get straight to the point. 50 Shades of Grey is pure erotica. There’s not a lot of character development. The “sex” scenes are exactly what you think it would be like for an R rated movie. A boob here, ass there, and a quick flash of pubic hair. Kiss, grunt noise, cue Beyonce music, heavy panting, Beyonce music gets louder, add a little filler, and there you have it! The recipe to 50 Shades of Grey scene.

One of the better things about this movie is the casting. Honestly, I don’t think they could have done a better job. With that being said, the actors did great with the lines they were dealt. The book was never praised for it writing, and sadly that transitions into this movie. A lot of the times you will find yourself giggling at lame lines like when Christian told Anastasia she wouldn’t be able to walk straight for a week if she belong to him.

The plot? Oh! Cinemax (NC-17) late night adult videos have better story lines. Anastasia is an about to be college graduate that fills in for an interview for her friend. They would later build a friendship, and Mr. Grey will eventually introduce her to his dark siiiiide. Anyways, there’s a written contract she must sign if she wants to continue seeing and sexing Christian. He just want a submissive play partner for fulfillment of his sexual desires. Anastasia on the other hand falls in love with Christian, and always seems to find herself back to him trying to heal her emotional wounds. Christian wants to take control of Anastasia, but Anastasia wants to take care of Christian,  wanting something more, and she tries her hardest to get it from Christian. To the point where she would tolerate what kinda sex Christian wants. Don’t get me wrong, she definitely enjoys some of it. 

Final Verdict: I give 50 Shades of Grey the movie 6/10. There’s no Anastasia introduction to fellatio, they skip the breakfast that she shares with Christian at an International House of Pancakes, and where the hell is James’s personifications! This is huge! We already know that the book lacks in the writing department, so you can afford to over look these things. “The proof that pornography has no literary value is that, if one attempts to read it in any other way than as a sexual stimulus, to read it, say, as a psychological case-history of the author’s sexual fantasies, one is bored to tears.” -W.H. Auden. This quote is 50 Shades of Grey in a but shell. It’s one of the reason why this movie was marketed during valentine’s. To get you in the mood for sex. Some books can make the transition from book to movie, but 50 Shades of Grey is not built for that. Erotica in general is not built for the public big screen. Erotica main purpose is to get you arrosed. Story? Who cares! The movie just leaves so much desired when talking about character development, and Ana’s story.

For the record, I don’t hate 50 Shades of Grey.  I know it may seems like I’m just bashing the movie, but I truly love the books. Read them, let your imagination go wild, and maybe you’ll find something that you might want to try sexually. I really don’t get the hush factor when talking about sex. 50 Shades of Grey brings awareness on what society labeled taboo. If you’re interested in testing the waters there’s a lot of resources that can help make your experiences pleasurable, and safe.

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