Resolutions: Trying to be more in control?

I’m seeing all this talk about New Years Resolutions in the form of ‘Be a Better You This Year!” and I just can’t get on board with these bargains to be more in control. Whether it’s losing weight, making excellent grades, finding a relationship, traveling to run away, or a multitude of other promises you’ll make to yourself (and probably break) maybe it would be healthier to realize that there’s nothing wrong with you. Maybe you look different in the mirror than you did last year, or your financial, academic, familial, mental/physical health, etc. situation has changed a whole lot. THAT’S COOL. If you are going to make a resolution this year, make sure it’s one that feeds your soul instead of perpetuating a false idea of what you want to make you happy.
This all stems from perceptions of how much of our lives we can control. Aka, “If i just manage this part of my life, the rest will fall into place!” Yeah right. How many times has that way of thinking failed? In my personal experience, too many to continue carrying weight. Happy is something we chase because anything else is looked down upon, and there lies our biggest fallacy: Control is an illusion and so is perpetual happiness.
If you’re going to make goals, let them be manifestations of your compassion:
*Be there for your friends more
*Be there for yourself more
*Make a list of what you like and don’t like
*Make a list that answers the question, “How do I show people that I care about them?” or my personal favorite, “How do people I love show me that they care about me?”
*Volunteer.
*Call your mom, even if she was a bitch, (or your dad- whichever)
*Reach out when you need help. Recognize that everyone needs help sometimes. It’s OK.

Your value is not tied up in a number on the scale. Your value is not attached to your GPA. Your value is NOT attached to how much money is in your bank account. It’s not about how much distance you log on a plane trip. It’s not even connected to how well you know yourself. It’s about how you give back others while managing and doing what makes you happy. Inspire without giving too much of yourself away.

Personally, there was nothing wrong with me last year. I grew a TON with the help of friends and family, and began to recognize some big mis-steps that led me to become involved with very unhealthy people— romantically, personally, professionally, all of it.

Here is what I learned and hope to keep in the forefront of my mind in 2015:
*I am a good person who cares deeply about others and makes a million mistakes. On most occasions, I act with the best interest in others in mind (and when I don’t, I can’t expect forgiveness even after I’ve given an apology).
*Chances are most people are like that too. *There is good in everybody. But not everybody is good.
*Not everybody wants to tackle their inner demons. This does not make them less than someone who has worked towards it.
*Everybody has a right to make decisions about their actions, even if they’re hurting themselves and/or others, and I have a right to step away if I’m affected negatively by their actions.
*I cannot push anyone to get help, nor should I give my opinion unless its directly asked for.
*Balance
*Being sincere is better than being charming.
*Expectations.
*Boundaries.
*All-or-nothing thinking
^^^ These need to be regulated on a daily, if not hourly, basis.
You can be passive-aggressive, argumentative, critical, unyielding, moody, a know-it-all and a slew of other terrible personality traits… And you still deserve to be loved.

I am happier now than I’ve been in a long, long time. 2014 was the year I found myself. And even though I’ll lose myself again and struggle between a mentality of ‘too much vs. not good enough’ for the rest of my life, I’m fucking set for now.

And, parting thoughts, you could not pay me enough money to re-live my early 20’s. It gets better, I promise.

-JiNX
twitter.com/anolecreole
ask.fm/anolecreole

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